It’s been 2 years already. I am not sure if I should still think about you. Because it still break my heart every time I think of you.
During these years, no one really mention about you but us. Maybe because they don’t want us to be upset; or maybe you just not meant too much to any of them. But, for us, you are like a scar engraved in my heart, no one can really see it, but it’s never gonna heal.
I tried to be optimistic and think all these tragedies are the god given task. But, aren’t these task too damn heavy? Letting you suffer when you have nothing to do with my failure. I also once think all these are the karma from my sin. But, aren’t the retribution too cruel? It took innocent away, but keep the sinner alive for no reason.
Last year, when Ree was born, I felt reborn. But I will never forgive myself for letting her born with a defected heart. I can’t forgive myself for being so weak that I can’t protect the person I love!!.. I watch her suffered ever since she was born, and there’s nothing I can do about it to make things better. So many contradictions in life makes me losing my faith. But, when these helpless moments came along, I still depended on God, Buddha or whatever superior being out there. Pray every day for better tomorrow and repent for the sin I done. Because I can’t think of any other way to stop all these non-sense, and to get a closure from losing you.
November is ours, your mom always says that. We welcome you to this world and watch you leave on this month of year. It’s been raining for couple days now, I think it’s trying to remind me how much tears I had shed that year and how much I missed you.
This year, on this special day, we engraved you forever on top of our heart. And the scars that belong to you are embraced your mom and I together. We will never forget we had you, and we are strong because of you.
去年Ree 的誕生讓我一度重生，但是她身體的缺陷是我無法原諒我自己的。我無法原諒自己的懦弱，沒有能力保護我愛的人，看著她一出生就受苦，而我卻愛莫能助。很多的 矛盾，讓我失去了信仰，但也是在這些無助的時刻還是必須依賴著祂，每天對祂懺悔與祈禱。因為除了這麼做，我實在想不到任何其他的方法能夠趕快結束這些荒謬 的劇碼，能讓我為失去你感到釋懷。